It's 1:20 in the morning as I write. I went to bed at about 11:30. It's been two bloody hours! You know how frustrating that is, to lie in bed and not even be able to shut your eyes for long enough to go to sleep because for some reason your body is trying to screw you over? And I want to sleep. For the first time in WEEKS, I really want to sleep. I want to get that wonderful floaty unconscious feeling and then STOP HAVING TO PERCIEVE ANYTHING. For once, I don't even want to dream. I just want to sleep. Is that too much to ask?!

...Maybe it's because I just spent the last four hours reading straight through The collected works of Jhonen Vasquez. Johnny can make a person feel intensely contemplative and I think he's driven me insane. Why else would I be typing like this? WHY? What with the random interjections and crazed ranting and spastic subject changes. OH GOODDDD I want to sleeeep.

And then I started thinking about my dreams, like really remembering the details of my perception of them instead of their plots? And I realized that, late at night when I'm feeling floaty, the only way I can tell that I'm not asleep is because I can actually feel. Even in the most realistic of my dreams, like the ones where, perhaps, I am lying in bed trying to get to sleep, they make perfect dream-sense, but I don't "feel" anything that I think I'm experiencing. Even something as simple as feeling the breaths that I'm breathing go through my windpipe. What worries me is that lately I haven't been feeling myself breathe.